Posted by: cochinblogger | April 7, 2013

The Red Underwear Mystery


I was reading the chapter titled “Underwear” in the book Getting Handsome: A Makeover Manual for Men by Clare Maxfield when I was flummoxed by two tips in it. It all began innocently enough with the tip:

Change your underwear daily. This should go without saying.

I had no difficulty understanding this, but without warning came the next tip:

Give yourself an edge without anyone knowing. Wearing red underwear will give you a lift, and no one needs to know why.

I feel the author should’ve inserted “(pun unintended)” after the word “lift,” but I’ll let that pass. Perhaps she wished the double entendre to stand on its own legs without drawing attention to it. And maybe she meant it literally, the lift in mood triggering a corresponding response in the autonomic nervous system. I suppose I’ll have to wear red underwear to find out. But I digress. The source of my mystification is the next tip:

As with your ties, don’t wear comical underwear. Do you really want someone to start laughing at a potentially intimate moment?

I understand what she’s saying, but she did recommend wearing red underwear a few keystrokes earlier, adding that “no one needs to know,” presumably because red underwear falls in the comical category.

But if red underwear is comical underwear, doesn’t her advice to wear it contradict her next piece of advice not to wear comical underwear?

Maybe red underwear is not comical underwear; but the comment “no one needs to know why” implies that it would be embarrassing if it got around that someone is wearing red underwear.

Isn’t wearing embarrassing underwear as bad as wearing comical underwear?

Look, what I really want to know is if red underwear would be cause for laughter “at a potentially intimate moment.” I’m interested in hearing from readers with first-hand experience.

And why did I post the photo of the dude with the red shirt, you ask?

You’ll understand that it’s hard to find someone on the street clad in red underwear, so I’m sorry, but this is the best I could do.

Anyway, I’m sure he’s wearing red underwear underneath. πŸ™‚





  1. I have encountered men in practically every imaginable shade of underwear – always in a professional capacity, I should probably stress!
    Most were expecting to be examined, so presumably made their choices accordingly. But though some had dressed with a very different day in mind, I cannot recall any memorably comic embarrassments.

    • Interesting. But I doubt that a medical examination is what Clare had in mind when she wrote “intimate moment.” πŸ™‚

  2. You have no idea..
    But, as I said in mitigation to the judge, my mistake was entirely innocent!

    • Ha, ha, ha!

  3. Clare here – I love that such a fun conversation was following on from some simple recommendations. I have the biggest grin on my face as I answer you as you covered it all, no pun intended, so eloquently.

    What – you couldn’t find a man in red underwear, what about Superman? He wears red underwear and he also got Lois Lane. He certainly didn’t have any comical y-fronts on.

    Back to my comments, I was recommending red for an energetic lift at work and avoiding having tweety bird waiting for an introduction at more intimate moments.

    Do let me know if you have any other musings that you would like my input on. πŸ™‚

    • What a pleasant surprise to find you in my parlor, Clare! I love your book. Yes, if I run into any roadblocks regarding anything in your book, I’ll turn to you.

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